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Old 07-21-2010, 03:30 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999

as far as I know of the 'group' the guy who went back to mono, was a very casual hook up who never really invested much outside of just being a hook up. Another is more of a player who is more of the same as far as actual interest in her as a person. Another is more of just a friend who wants far to much for her to get into a physical relationship but a LOT of attention would fall entirely to that person if they were more open to who she is.
This really sounds a lot more like open, than poly. And not very healthy, to boot.

I have a pretty harsh stance on poly men because 99.9% of them have all been the same. I'm not saying that all poly men aren't like, "HA HA, I got that ass tonight sucker and can have it any second whilst you are away!" but,... well if there are, they are being drown out by all the noise from the opportunist assholes.
My fiancÚ and I are new to practicing poly. He has been jealous and insecure, but is working through this. I asked him if he thinks this way in his head about Mr. A, my new SO, and it was a resounding no. This is good, because I would've been horrified. So, if someone who is new to this idea and has been hurt in the past by cheaters can have a healthy outlook ... I have a very hard time believing you've met many poly men. Are you calling them poly simply because they are with other women as well as your GF? If they are actually identifying as poly, I hope someone directs them to this forum so they can perhaps be "enlightened." Also, are you sure they think this, or are you projecting your own (understandable) insecurities on them?

I'm told, "oh he isn't as important to me as you are" or "he doesn't think of me the same way you do", but suddenly as I'm face to face with the person the reality of how they see things is obviously different from what my SO thought or was telling me.
Two things about this. First, I can't imagine EVER making a direct comparison to my fiancÚ like that. Perhaps I've misread it, but to me, it sounds like she is knocking the other guys down to make you feel better. That is so very, very wrong. I hope I have misinterpreted this. Second, if everyone you meet seems to believe they're the "top dog", then maybe you should ask your GF if she is feeding the same line to all her men? It's no wonder she would want to keep you all apart if this is the case!

It is really great that you've come here to try and understand things, but I have a sinking feeling that you're caught up with a girl-player.
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