as far as I know of the 'group' the guy who went back to mono, was a very casual hook up who never really invested much outside of just being a hook up. Another is more of a player who is more of the same as far as actual interest in her as a person. Another is more of just a friend who wants far to much for her to get into a physical relationship but a LOT of attention would fall entirely to that person if they were more open to who she is.
I have a pretty harsh stance on poly men because 99.9% of them have all been the same. I'm not saying that all poly men aren't like, "HA HA, I got that ass tonight sucker and can have it any second whilst you are away!" but,... well if there are, they are being drown out by all the noise from the opportunist assholes.
Those things are more annoying than the simple fact that who I am with is poly.
It is that kind of thing that makes it overly "human" and just as annoying as a far to controlling or clingy mono relationship.
Because it is the same exact bullshit only to a different tune.
I'm told, "oh he isn't as important to me as you are" or "he doesn't think of me the same way you do", but suddenly as I'm face to face with the person the reality of how they see things is obviously different from what my SO thought or was telling me.
These themes reoccur so much in "open" and poly relationships that my doubts to the veracity of poly remain highly in question.
Human beings are frail emotional things and the opportunity to make your own rules in something you can over complicate or reinvent is far to easy and with humans, what is easy is always what is most corruptible.
Someone said earlier, and I agree, if a relationship is worth something, it takes hard work and sacrifice. So far I feel that my costs are justified with this person. Her other SOs might be assholes or command more attention/emotion later but as things are there is no static and I'm happy with her.
We have also grown somewhat together in this relationship. It's that 'rug being pulled out' feeling from a past of really bad relationships (mono and poly) and what I will feel If I become less to her among the SOs.
It has gotten to a point where those fears/annoyances are fading out.
Of course when ever I know that she is away with another there is an itch I can't scratch. So far that is a cost I can handle but I can't say for sure if I can always handle it.
Should I be able to say for sure? Because I don't know if 'yes' would ever or should ever be the right answer.
Is there something wrong with me?
Last edited by monopolylover; 07-21-2010 at 02:57 PM.