to answer questions:
I do think poly men take more advantage of the situation in a way that is entirely NOT poly by how it is being defined by those who are poly. This makes it harder for me that I'm competing with other men or they me. And despite the best intentions of poly in this relationship there is competition going on.
I do love myself and though i have in the past hated myself during very bad times in my life, I over came and out grew the childishness.
Recently I had a talk with my SO over the things brought up here and this is how the relationship has been "defined" thus far. Things are better.
I'm never convinced that any relationship is logical or perfect with humans but I'm happy. I know we love each other. It was good to know more about what she does outside of our relationship. Well good and bad but for the most part good.