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Old 07-21-2010, 03:54 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default Devil's advocate

Hopefully I won't be ruffling too many feathers with this response, but I am wondering a few things about your hopes in this relationship. What is your long term goal of a relationship in general. If you have any belief that you will be able to have anything resembling a traditional monogamist dynamic than surrender now my friend. It's not in the cards with a poly woman. Are you prepared for her opening her heart and her bed to other men for as long as you commit to this relationship? Do you think living closer and holding the front door open with a kiss good bye before she goes to sleep with another guy will be easier than living farther away where things are more removed?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but why not look for some one who is monogamous? I've done all the traditional monogamous things we expect and want to experience as monos, that is why I can be healthy in a mono/poly relationship. I'm not saying you can't be but I hold little hope for a mono to commit to a poly in a healthy way without having extensive monogamous experience first. Maybe you do and I am way off track. Maybe you don't want the traditional family in your future, the pride of introducing your fiancée to your parents and friends without hiding the fact that she sleeps with other men while you only give yourself to her. I needed those things and those needs were met in the past. They are not a reality of my future but I am very proud that I can not only introduce my Love to my parents, but that I have also introduced her husband to them and told them of her girlfriend.

I'm sorry to be a downer, but I know what it is to be mono, so I get many of your thoughts. The only thing I don't get is why you seem to be trying to convince yourself that this is a healthy thing for you in the long run. If me and Redpepper were to end the intimate part of our relationship my journey into poly would be over. Perhaps you are stronger than I am, perhaps your love is all that matters.

There is no question in my mind that you love her immensely..but I wonder how much you love yourself.
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 07-21-2010 at 03:59 AM.
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