The thing is that poly is about having your cake and eating it too once you've done and continue to do a shit load of really hard work on yourself and in relating to others. Isn't that the same in any aspect of life? Nothing comes without a shit load of work. Nothing that really feels worth it anyways.
I don't believe that can happen if you don't know your metamours (your partners others partners). You are right, it would be an open relationship style to me. One that is doing whatever, things only last a short time, no deep connection is made, no deep investment in your partner. Most of the time it ends after NRE (new relationship energy) is over and the person is kinda *Meh.*
There is really nothing wrong with that at all! Its a matter of knowing the difference and knowing where you fit and what you want. Quite often people identify with the term poly and think they are creating a poly tribe, network, love group, whatever, but they aren't. So be it. That is their journey and who am I to say. Unfortunately the wake they leave leaves a bad taste in some peoples mouths about poly.
Its great you don't want to play games and don't want drama. That is a good place to be when starting out in the relationship you have chosen to be in with this woman. The trick is to not become emotional about her drama and not take it on. Also, its important to maintain what you have with really radically honest, respectful, thoughtful communication. Ask questions, keep on top of your emotions and who you are, be firm with your boundaries and have compassion. She is not going to be the image of perfection, so don't expect it. She is stumbling along just as you are and just as we all are. The thing is that you can stumble together and find a spot where it WILL work, just as long as you keep your love for her on the forefront and not your frustration and confusion.
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Last edited by redpepper; 07-21-2010 at 04:47 AM.