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Old 07-20-2010, 10:47 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by monopolylover View Post
That just opens up another confusing can of whup ass cause both she and I are not interested in introducing the group of others she is with and if THAT is what makes polymory, polyamory then this isn't polyamory because she does not want to openly introduce her lovers to each other and I imagine if she did as things are, there would be conflicts erupting between them.
Well, I have only experienced more caring, love, respect and support through my lovers knowing one another and I find it sad that she and you are so determined to keep everyone separate. Maybe her idea of poly is more along the lines of dating? It might be good to check her intentions and goals with her dating style. Perhaps she is not interested in anything long term. I have not known any successful long term poly relationships where everyone didn't know each other, support one another and care about each others lives. Its fine if this is not her way, just saying.

I am not the queen of poly. I have a lot to learn and have learned a lot. I would suggest that you also look at your girlfriend the same way and this forum the same way. You seem to be very frustrated in your confusion and are looking for direct solid rules and answers to your questions. There are none. Unlike monogamy, poly relationships are based on what is right for the individuals in them. In monogamy the rules are laid out and one choses what works or doesn't from them. There are some guidelines and shared experiences that can be used as something to fall back on, but that is it. The rest is up to you and your girlfriend.

... Where do you get that you are a bad person? Confused.
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Last edited by redpepper; 07-21-2010 at 04:43 AM.
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