I don't see how I'm trying to fit her in a mold or to a mono standard. I know she has been with others while we have been together and I've never protested or manipulated to get her out of being who she is. You just said that with poly the group has to be knowlegable about everyone else. Now is that a rule or not?
Cause this mono has always been objective to rules of such hard core mandate. If she is poly and if that means little more than being in plural sexual relationships with the understanding of all involved, then so be it. If I have to sit down to tea with all these other SOs, know their names and go to BBQs together then so be it but is that really part of this "rule" as well or can a person be poly without the introductions?
A running theme in the poly/open relationships I've been in is that I'm doing something to ruin things. When there is no evidence of the sort. I openly accept the other person for how they want to live but at the same time i let them know that I "deal" with them being with others. I don't see that i have to feel great about it if I don't feel great about it. But i also see it as what it is. It is not intended to hurt anyone and it does not mean I'm any less to her than I am. It happens like the rain or the sun.
I understand that with poly as with mono the relationship always changes BUT with poly you are always tuning down one channel over another.
You can't keep them full blast at all times. Tuning people out is always a process of,.. well, tuning people out.
And if your tuning in and out multiple channels there is a fairer chance one will simply roll off the dial than if you stick to one station for the reason of there being so much less crap on it than the others.
How does this make me the bad guy when it doesn't work out with a poly.
I accept how things are, I let the person know how I feel, I give space and time where it is needed and I don't manipulate or mandate. The only commonality i see is that I'm the one not being plural and somehow this makes me no longer interesting enough to take seriously. Which opens up that age old and far to obvious facet of the frail human need to be involved in manipulative relationships weather poly or mono. Both have some social rule sets that are complete bullshit as far as I've seen.
Poly seems to get just as over complicated as mono for no reason and I am who I am.
Back again to the question if I am willing to take what is going on and any double standards that present themselves.
Again, so far I've not felt any worse than any poly or mono relationships I've been in before and I feel happier with this person.
If things change for her, if I'm tuned down, would I be able to remain one of her SOs?
Am I setting myself up to be hurt again?
These are the questions.