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Old 07-20-2010, 09:08 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

I haven't read what others have written yet, so excuse me if I repeat stuff.

First off I think you are looking at her relationship life from a mono mindset. Understandable as you are mono, but I think you need to learn what a poly mindset is in order to empathize and at least accept what you don't understand. Reading this forum will help amazingly I'm sure of that.

Secondly, I think you need to take a deep breath and not involve yourself so much in her relationship life. Its for her to figure out and not your business other than to get to know her lovers and embrace them as a part of your life as long as you are with her. She comes with all of them, not just on her own. I see that as your job, not the all mighty voice of mono reason. As much as it drives you crazy and as much as you want to say "what the fuck?!" you will drive her away if you don't get on board with what I have just said as she just won't put up with what she previeves as a downer on her view and what she values in my opinion.

Thirdly, you will need to learn to trust that this relationship is not the bullshit relationships you have been through with other so called poly bullshitters. They were wolves dressed up in lambs clothing and are not poly! Full stop. I did not hear one poly scenario in what you described.

My boyfriend is mono and I speak from experience. You sound much as he did when we began and I see the deal breakers I struggled with in what you have said. Be careful not to put your mono agenda on her. She is not mono and will not understand. If you love her as much as you say you do, start talking and start learning. There is much work to do, but it can be so worth it. Ask her to learn too about being mono. Its an entirely different language in a lot of ways.

Just ask Mono. Right love?
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