Originally Posted by immaterial
I mentioned in another thread how my mom used to say "I don't love the bad Peter. I love good Peter!" It sounds so...I don't know. Nakedly dysfunctional? Or does it sound reasonable? Because for a long time I bought hook, line and sinker that I had a good self constituted by a set of behaviors that were lovable and I had a bad self constituted by a set of behaviors that were not lovable.
I'll go with dysfunctional. It struck a chord with me. "I love you, but I don't like you." My loveable and "unloveable" behaviours were never the same and were completely and utterly dependent on my mother's mood.
To attach the behaviours to the child and then say you only love the good part sets Adult Peter up for disaster. I have experienced (and still do) Adult Natasha beating herself over the head because Bad Natasha is just as much a part of her as Good Natasha and only the integration and acceptance of those facets can make Happy Natasha.
I'm in therapy for myself, Indigo, and most importantly, my future children.