Now that you've written it out....
Let it sit for a while, then come back and read it.
When I do that... I see the clues I left myself... How I really felt, but was stuffing. What issues were causing anxiety/fear...
Keep reading the posts around here. There are monos in love with polys. There are many paths to follow.
Enjoy the journey.. You will learn about yourself, the poly girl and the universe.