Well....he and I finally had a long talk about our relationship dynamics and poly. It came up when I had the opportunity to interview for a job that could involve me relocating close to where they live. (We've discussed this as a possibility, in theory, in the past.) What I'm finding out is that while this couple has had some poly experience...they haven't had a lot. And all along I've been "assuming" (and we all know what assuming can do!
) that they were quite experienced in poly and working issues out.
One thing I'm finding out is that both he and she have been in marriages (not with each other) where they felt stifled and controlled by their spouses. Each felt taken for granted by their exs. I've been married twice and must say that has not been my experience. I never felt like my exs were trying to control who I was or where I went. I never felt taken for granted and always tried to keep things fresh and romantic in our relationships. (I don't know for sure how my exs felt, but neither ever complained about those type of issues. Of course since we're divorced...who knows??
Anyhow....for the first time he shared some of his deep feelings for me....said he misses me...and really thinks it could work out for all of us eventually to be a "family". I'm still not certain....but I'm not giving up on the idea totally.