Wow. Thanks so much for all the advice. i didn't mean to just post and run but the past few days have been crazy otherwise.
And I agree with what quite a few of you said, that it's not the most opportune time - for me to be trying this. And we have an agreement that I won't be acting on anything until he's ready. I know that won't be for a while and that's okay with me. I've been able to deal with my feelings for years now and it just feels good to get them off my chest and know that he knows. I think I can hold on as long as he needs me to. Hopefully I can find him some good literature (and possibly even direct him here if he'll come) so that he can see that, yes, jealousy is controllable and opening up just might be the exact opposite of the catastrophe he might be envisioning.
But thanks for all the support and words of encouragement (and warning). I am really going to take it all to heart and have another discussion with my husband.