Aw, you guys practically make me teary-eyed with your kindness. Thank you.
Immaterial: "But the cautionary note would be to not let the NRE wipe out a commitment to honesty."
Never! IMHO, without honesty there is no foundation for trust, and without trust there's no possibility of a deep relationship. J and I are on the same page. She knows everything I know, as honestly as I can tell it.
However, my compulsive honesty was probably one reason L has reacted so harshly. When I got back from the four days with J, then L and I chatted a little and after a while I couldn't help but tell her what was really on my mind -- that I needed for us to be friends but no longer lovers. Maybe if I could have held back, kept it a secret for a little while and eased into it, maybe it would have been better for her.
But maybe not. Having a sense of something is not right here and then having it confirmed with "Oh, yeah, I haven't gone to bed with you lately because, um, J is a lot more important than I told you" would probably cause a huge blowup as well.
Well, anyway, L didn't answer her cell phone last night. I called twice, the usual time and then 45 minutes later. I really, really hope she was out having fun with her GF! I hope she was happy.