Thread: Unsure
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Old 07-17-2010, 09:57 AM
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jawz78 jawz78 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: small town Ohio
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Default Unsure

Ok, so I am unsure what I am, or we (my wife included) are. It's a long story, but I'll try to sum up most of it here...

My wife and I dated for ten years, and then married last year. We have two children and I love her very, very much. We decided (about a year and a half ago) to try swinging. In doing this we learned a lot about ourselves and each other. We only really met one other couple, and never did anything more than some hot make out sessions. When we first began the whole swinging ordeal we decided we wanted the whole friends in and out of the bedroom and had no desire to go bed jumping with strangers.

Here's where the "sum up" begins... We came clean about past infidelities (while we were dating) and then got married. Since the wedding we have been more open and honest with everything. We have no secrets, even down to who either of us find attractive.

This is when the side tracking begins... The couple we were trying to "swing" with broke up (completely unrelated to swinging). We had become very close friends with them both. He stayed in touch with us, she (for whatever reason) did not. Since then, my wife and him have continued where they left off. She now refers to him as her boyfriend. The odd thing is, it seems to have gone from attempted swinging to (what I am beginning to think is) poly.

Him and his kids (who have become close friends with our kids) come to our house at least five times a week. My wife will go on "dates" with him, or just go to his house and hang out with him. We really have no rules when it comes to this. We do have boundaries, but we share those with him as well. She assures me I come first, and at any time I want her to break it off, she will. I believe her, but I know it would hurt her to lose him.

I see how happy he makes her. I see how much fun she has with him. It's been a year and a half and they still have not had sex, but he is more than a friend to her. They kiss and cuddle, which does not bother me at all. I like to see her happy. We have a system to ovoid any confusion, since we are all three friends (which is turning into all of our best and closest friends). She will lean in and whisper to me "is it ok if I implement boyfriend time". This for the most part means, we round up the kids, either bed times or find something to occupy them and we head out to the deck. I do not always accompany them, but I am more than welcome to. Basically the only thing that changes is they have a green light to touch more intimately. Before she goes out with him she always ask if I mind, and never goes behind my back.

Wow, this post is turning extremely long so I'll get to my questions...
Does this sound like some sort of extended swinging, even though there is no sex? I know its not that sex is off the table, they just for whatever reason have not gone that far. She says she does not mind if I get a girlfriend of my own. I often wonder if that's just because she feels bad that she has a boyfriend and I have to share her. And if I was to find my own girlfriend, when do I bring up my situation? Do I only find people in this lifestyle or is this something that you wait three dates to bring up? I don't want sex, my wife gives me that, I want what she has. Neither of them have said "I love you", but I know they are there or at the very least, very close to it.

The only time I get jealous is when I feel like I'm the third wheel, but if I bring it up, she will include me more. And then I'll be find. I love her, and I like him very much. I'm just confused... as to what we are doing here, and where we are going. I have no doubts she will never leave. I have no doubts that she loves me. I understand the concept of loving multiple partners, I've done that in the past (it's just in my situation, they didn't know about each other). Any insight would really, really help....
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