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Old 07-17-2010, 03:22 AM
DavidWebb DavidWebb is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Treadstone
Posts: 28

Seems really odd replying to my wife on here. Please know that this is not our only form of communication!
And I'm afraid I may come off harsher than I mean to in my forum posts. Make not mistake - Christie means the world to me. This is just me trying to figure this out. She is worth all the effort.

Originally Posted by inlovewith2 View Post
Not sure I completely understand, Jade. But let me try--the issue here is, at the core, a mono/poly one. IOW, he obvee understands that sex is a product of love (for us at least), but what he doesn't get is why sex has to be attached to all of those that I love or care for (in a dating sense of course).
It's kind of answered in the original post...
Originally Posted by inlovewith2 View Post
What I want is for him to know how amazingly important he is to me. I think to myself how I could stay with him if we never had sex again, but I'm afraid all he hears is that this indicates that he's not good enough. Quite the contrary, it indicates how deeply I love him.
What I hear is that a sexless marriage is ok, but sexless secondaries are not. Why?

Beyond that, my hangups are:
- 37 years of only knowing monogamy
- we struggle with intimacy our entire 15+ year relationship (due to the reasons in the op), but now it feels like it's all 'hey I am poly'... so some guy can come along, woo you for a couple months and now you're locking lips with him.
- that physically sickening feeling thinking about some other guy being with you... holding you... touching you... etc ETC (it has been good to join the forum in this regard to read others have the same reaction)
- worrying about others hurting you
- projecting my feelings on to you. for ex. when I tried dating and any time I was close to kissing her, I recoiled thinking not only would it be weird to kiss someone else, but it would be... well... Wrong. So, yeah, I know I project that to you... how does it not feel wrong to you to be with someone else?
- oh, and let's not leave out Mr. Jealousy

I could keep going, but I think I'll stop there. Anyone, feel free to point out flaws in my thinking. That's what I'm on here for... to start to challenge all of these mono notions to see which ones I might be able to get past, if at all.

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