Hi everyone, I appreciate your replies. I'm driving my poor husband nuts with my ruminations but we did have some discussions and although he thinks it would be nice to have others sexually, if it causes any trouble he just doesn't want to go there. And, he reinforced why he loves me and why it's so intense and irreplaceable (not because of my looks though). I still feel like this might come up again in the future, but honest discussions have helped. Part of what I'm going to change is to talk with friends about this and not him. He feels that the issue is settled and I think I have to go with that... thanks all.
One complicating factor on the whole self-esteem thing is that I'm an abuse survivor... mostly emotional and some physical, but the end result was by the time I was a teenager I was convinced that I was horrendously ugly, not too bright, and destined for bad things. I've come a long way since then but I know I'm still behind most adults in that department. I''m average looking at best and, I'm totally serious, the other person could be a model. I'm really and truly not kidding, I have no idea why she's working in a doctor's office looking like that. She belongs in hollywood or someplace, while I'm really and truly, average looking is a compliment. I think that part of it fucked with me, there is always the chance though that I am still unrealistic about how I look and at 42 years of age, why should it matter anyway??? Gah I'm so sick of being me. Thanks again my friends.