Brave soul! I read what you are saying as a journey for you into unconditional love, the best and the most difficult, IMO.
I am a strong believer in meeting all involved parties. I think it would lend clarity. It may remove some of your jealousy that is based only on imaginings. It may heighten some of your jealousy based on reality. :-) But at least your whirlwind of feelings will have a stronger basis in reality. Not all agree with me on this point and every situation is different.
The main thing that leaps out for me is a movement on your part to attribute your very real jealousy and anger to your lower nature. I personally would caution you in this. These feelings are actually be quite worthy of complete and total acknowledgment as coming from simply and precisely who you authentically are and what is really going on for you right now. The energy they carry and the information they bring are both probably essential for you to get the most out of what is happening. One of the Great Myths about poly is it is "more spiritually evolved" or "from the higher self" than mono, precisely because (supposedly) people feel compersion and not jealousy. This is hogwash, IMNSHO.
Look forward to hearing more!