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Old 07-16-2010, 08:27 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 135

It sounds like your husband loves you very much indeed and was fairly courageous to risk that by bringing up his interest in another woman and his desire to have a relationship of some sort with her. One warning sign in your post is your comparison to the other woman and the impact this has had on your self-esteem. It was drilled into me that my partner would only be interested in another man if I were somehow deficient-- unattractive, boring, or in some way "less than." It took a good many years for me to slowly wake up to the fact that this is usually a lie. I have been *enough* for my partner at times and she has still wanted outside relationships. My partner has been *enough* for me and I still have wanted outside relationships. The desire is not a reflection on the beauty or worthiness of the partner, necessarily, in fact, for me, has *never* been. I have *never* fallen for another woman or wanted to be sexual with another woman because my pre-existing partner was "less than." My heart does not work by cause and effect this way, nor am I moitivated by scarcity. I realize this does happen, but it has not been the case for me. My partners have sometimes talked me right into believing it, however! "If I were enough for you you'd stay put and not want this other thing!" It is a convincing argument on the surface. But it has not been the case for me. It is a good question to ask your husband and then truly work to trust in his answer.

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