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Old 07-16-2010, 05:02 PM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Originally Posted by EugenePoet View Post
Yeah -- what Mono said. Treasure that guy.
Oh believe me, I do!!!!!!! I've said many times "you don't lose a man like him" (if you can help it of course).

For me, what happens during sex is apparent in what happens afterwards: pillow-talk is, for me, an order of magnitude more intimate and loving than any other communication with a human being. Trusting another person with my body creates a connection that nothing else rivals.
I think this is huge! It is an amazing connection!

But that's just me. I don't have any abuse history or sexual baggage to speak of. Your emotions are obviously different. And of course you gotta be who you are.
Yes, absolutely I do. One of the best things about "falling off the deep end", or however you would like to describe being hospitalized for suicidal ideation (wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy) is that it brings clarity to your life. That was the wake-up call I needed to know that I could no longer sacrifice myself, my well-being, for his (and this is more complicated than just mono/poly, but I don't think you need the details to get the idea). And let me be clear, he *never* asked me to. I know that it kills him that I made that choice.

However, a difficulty may arise for you because what you feel about sex could be very different from what your significant others feel about it. For some people it's not about physical gratification but about a very deep, resonant connection.
Well, I'd say that it is mostly about that for me as well, so maybe I'm not understanding what you mean. Are you meaning that if I'm not able to be sexual? Well, knock wood, I've been nearly 100% better since getting out of the hospital.

It's like two people learn to play all sorts of relationship music together. Light conversations and fun little tunes, serious discussion music, deeply emotional pieces. One way I think about lovemaking is that it's a particularly deep and satisfying music to make. If you get a lover who feels that way about it then they will want to learn that part of the repertoire with you. Not because they need to get their rocks off but because they want that deep emotional music.
Sounds like my style! It has to be more than just physical for me. The physical is mostly a means to an ends for me--it's about connection. Thanks for helping me to frame that!

Unfortunately I don't know how you bridge from your feelings about sex to the kind of feelings I describe. Maybe just be aware that they exist, and that your lover(s) are asking you for something that you may not completely understand but which is very significant for them.
Oh no, I definitely get it and have experienced it many times, it's just that I got derailed for a long time (of my own making ). As I said, the connection is where it's at for me.

I dunno. I may be off-track in my comments. I always worry that I've misunderstood. Good luck!
I very much appreciate your comments! DW and I don't fully understand it all, so why would I expect you to? Your comments have been very helpful.


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