thanks for posting this, and thanks to all that replied. I can empathize with a lot of what you're feeling, being in a similar situation, and just wanted to say hi and tell you you're not alone. Be proud of yourself for making the progress you've made in your understanding of your partner's desires; it's no easy thing to do.
I also suspect you're pretty rad. I have a soft spot for anyone who bandies about words like "portmanteau'd".