Given the challenging circumstances your husband may be heading for in the military, I think it's going to take a minor miracle for him to turn around and be ok with this right now. He's already going to be dealing with being away from you, and I'd worry this might make him feel even further removed.
Could you be satisfied by taking on a girlfriend instead, while he's gone, if the male lover idea is what really gets him?
As a mono person recently plunged into polydom (by a new poly girlfriend) I can empathize with him, somewhat. Until this relationship, the idea of another guy being with my lover felt primally wrong. Lately, a switch has flipped, and I'm feeling much more secure about it. There's a lot of societal conditioning to chip away at, there.
Last edited by monaural; 07-16-2010 at 05:46 AM.