Originally Posted by Jade
If sex is not love, and love is acceptable, why is the attachment of sex to love unacceptable? Is this forced limitation truly poly? It sounds like a fear of loss of primacy, but I'm only guessing. I'm not an expert. I've read no books (who reads books before falling in love?).
Not sure I completely understand, Jade. But let me try--the issue here is, at the core, a mono/poly one. IOW, he obvee understands that sex is a product of love (for us at least), but what he doesn't get is why sex has to be attached to all of those that I love or care for (in a dating sense of course).
He's no longer reading over my shoulder, but maybe he'll chime in to clarify.
And to answer your question about forced limitation, a couple of points. One, I truly don't see him as "forcing" anything. He's being honest with me about how he feels, just as I am being honest with him about how I feel. We just fundamentally feel differently, which makes it very tricky. Nonetheless, I do consider this process to very much be a part of transitioning a relationship from mono to poly. For 18 years, we've been monogamous and all of a sudden, NOT! As I said, lesser men would have fled.
I HTH to clarify. If not, feel free to ask. Clearly, I'm open.