I just mentioned in another thread this concept of jumping into things feet first. Thinking about it, this has always been my style, but I now regret some aspects of it in this case. I do not want to re-hash the whole thread about the origins of our polyamorous relationship, but I do think it kind of explains how it is that we have gone too fast. My husband came to me and consented to my bf and I dating. We did spend a couple of days talking it over, it's not like I then said “ok, see ya!”, yk? I felt comfortable that he was giving informed consent, and he was. What's been happening in his own words, is that he has been saying that he's ok with things (convincingly no less) because a). he thinks he is and b) he wants me to be happy. Now that we recognize this, we are being vigilant about it.
I've explained to him that my happiness can't be at the expense of his own and that his quasi-consent that later blows up is much worse than taking it slower. And honestly, things have happened even faster than I am comfortable with. I joined OKC after a friend mentioned it b/c I was curious, honestly not expecting any attention. I'm not someone who has ever turned heads irl, so why would I online?
Well, I've received quite a few inquiries. I've had several people interested in dating me, that DW and I have now pared down to 2. Both of these men are involved in their own polyamorous marriages and thus are very interested in his input and participation in the relationship.
Actually, I had composed this post several weeks ago, but decided to share it now as I think it sheds light on our journey. We are learning: to be honest about where we are, to ask for our needs, etc. and we are healing. Again, DW watches over my shoulder as I type this (that's a good thing, btw)