I am a poly virgin, new to the forum and new to the lifestyle. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE forgive me if I do or say something that goes against any kind of mores you all have here.
So, last night after delving, once more, into several online resources about poly - I decided to have The Talk with my husband.
See, we have been together 3 years now and we have broached the topic of poly before. I have told him that I wanted to date a woman and allow him the same freedom. But when I broached the topic of me seeing another man - he told me flat out that the thought of it made him sick to his stomach.
And that reaction kind of made me sick to my stomach.
So I dropped the idea of having a boyfriend. I didn't have anyone in mind and I didn't feel it was important at that moment. If he let me have girlfriends, that'd be just fine.
After a little while he even started talking to a woman, hanging out with her after he would get off work. But after only a few weeks (w/ no sexual interaction), he decided that it wasn't for him. He wanted someone to date both of us. Not just him. Oh yes - he is still searching for that mythical creature... I'm doubtful he'll find her.
We continued on a mono path, occasionally bringing up the idea of me finding a girlfriend, kind of on separate pages as far as how the whole "significant other" thing would work.
But last night, last night I realized that I was about two steps away from being more than just friends with one of my friends... Which complicates things. This friend is male. And knows about my husband and my poly tendencies.
Well, not wanting to do anything that could possibly lead to any kind of infidelity on my part or put me in a situation where I'm going to have to lie - I decided to simply tell my husband that when I said I wanted to be poly, I was meaning that I wanted to try having a boyfriend. But I did not tell him about my friend as I didn't want to sound like "well I wanna go fuck this guy" because it's more than that - AND I'm not sure if the friend wants to go there with me. Or if I'm imagining his flirting...
And all of this is thrown into kind of another dimension because my husband is at this very second taking the ASVAB so that he can join the Air Force. And if all goes as planned - sometime soon, he will be gone for a few good months. So I definitely feel that I needed to talk to him - as I said because I don't want to deny my feelings and do something stupid that I would definitely regret while he's away.
So, we talked last night. He said almost nothing. He did reaffirm that the thought of me with another guy was something he wasn't ready to deal with - so I won't be going to into any kind of sexual with anyone else.
Which I'm okay with but at the same time I wish there was a way to make him see that it is NOT because he's not satisfying me sexually and it's NOT because I don't love him any more. I just find that - just like you can love more than one sibling and more than one child, you can love
more than one person at a time... And I want to explore that.
I'm assuming he's processing the information I gave him last night and I'm kind of nervous about what he's thinking, as he has a way of taking what I say and understanding it how he wants to and t hen shoving his thoughts in my mouth...if that makes any sense.
As of right now, I'm incredibly nervous about how this is all going to work out yet excited about the possibility (even if it is slim and distant) of a new relationship with my friend. Because there's not much better than awesome friends that become awesome lovers
I've been reading thru the forum so I know there are some excellent advice givers out there
I could totally use it! I hope this made sense, like most of the other posters in this group, I'm running thru the gamut of emotions and I might not always be coherent. Feel free to ask me any questions