So much good advice here FLgirl......I don't disagree with anybody's input that you've received thus far, it is all terrific. Regarding you, however, obviously there are issues that have gone on for a long time in your life. Was your adventurous sexuality in your past a way of coping for other issues?
Now, it looks like you've crossed over from an open marriage with free sex to what appears to be the possibility of a good poly life for all 3 of you. Poly is so different in that we have to accept that there can be love, in addition to the great sex involved. The emotion messes a lot of people up, not just you. Go ask my wife, she still wrestles with it almost daily. I'm not so sure anyone is to blame here. Just see if you 3 can work out a happy, mutually fulfilling poly life. It may be the greatest thing that's ever happened to the 3 of you.