monaural wrote this on another thread (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...?t=3203&page=3
"@Erato - Here's my take on monogamy.
What I want in a partner is pretty simple. I want an amazing friend that I get to f*** and do awesome stuff with, who has my back.
My life is busy. My tech/creative split means I kinda work two jobs. I also need a decent amount of personal time and space to geek out in. There's a limited amount of space in my life for someone else, to begin with.
When I find a partner that's great in bed, intelligent, driven, and attractive, f***, I'm done! I'm totally taken care of. Then I can get down to the fun of building that relationship, and reap the security, connection, and passion that it brings. That's just the end of the equation for me.
If I find my heart wandering or start feeling like something's missing, then it's clear I'm either with the wrong person, or something's up in the relationship. Either things get resolved, or we break up, and move on.
Between work and cooking and throwing parties and making art and cleaning the house and hanging with friends and traveling and playing shows and everything else, love is but a facet of my life, though its influence pervades everything. I never seek to complicate it, test it, or otherwise monkey with it, if it's working.
To me, more partners just sounds like trouble, and work. More personalities to balance, tears to dry, work issues to shoulder, and logistics to consider. Eff it, if I've got a good partner, I'm happy."
I love this. It makes me understand entirely why my mono relationships worked for a very long time (two 4 year ones, and one 3 year one. two with men, one with my wife). It was as simple as basic needs being met, compatibility and getting on with other stuff. Poly is constant and consistent work, little down time, little privacy about personal issues and things I am personally working on and really, next to know time to be with others who I am not lovers with.
yup, totally get monogamy in this way and sometimes wish I would be satisfied with that... then I realize what I would not have and am more than satisfied with what I have. Still, I embrace my fellow mono's for standing where they are at and feeling content. Even more so when they allow me to be content where I am in their presence. Such a gift of mutual respect when that happens.