Overwhelming Sense of Loyalty to Partner preventing me from branching out!
I'm finding that I have a weird issue and I am trying to work through it, but could certainly use advice. I think I have been socially programmed to be a very 'good girl' in the socially mainstream sense (loyal, honest, loving, monogamous....). I have opened myself up to polyamory because two lovers (a current and a past lover) are polyamorous. This has been a great growth experience for me, and I have quite successfully come to terms with my men having other lovers.
The funny trouble I'm having is, although I find myself attracted to other men and happy to engage with these men up to a point, as I start to get romantically involved with them, this crazy tape starts playing in my head that automatically compares them to my other lover and my 'good girl' loyalty kicks in and I find myself not that interested anymore (even though my lover is very supportive of me having other lovers). The weird thing is, I don't actually think this means I am innately monogamous. I think it is my social programming of what a good woman is... but it is so strong that it actually kills my desire... I don't want this to ruin my potential to also enjoy other relationships as my lover does!
If anyone has experienced this and has successfully overcome it so that they can sincerely enjoy being with multiple partners, I would love your advice!