I haven't read the entire thread, so sorry if this is misplaced, but apart from just checking with wifey that she knows you exist probably being a good idea... I don't see why you have to hang with her if all is well on your end. I don't think that you need to change that. Time does wonders for making things normal. I'm sure with time she will get used to it and so will you.
However, in that phone call it might be respectful to let her know that if she ever wants to meet or discuss anything, that you would be open to that. After all, if you care for him then you should be caring for her. A little reassurance could go a really long way.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM