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Old 07-31-2009, 02:48 PM
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River River is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,090

Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
JRiver- Sorry for the misunderstanding. I have read many of your posts regarding conditioned monogamy....
Well, surely we all must recognize that there is a lot of "conditioning" we receive from the dominant culture concerning what love is and is not, and what is considered right and wrong, etc. I just shrug when I hear people in here say that their "natural" monos--as if there were a genetic basis for it or something! Some folks in here believe there are "natural monos" and "natural polys" and then there are others, supposedly, who just have to work through their conditioning to become whatever is "natural" for them.

Probably, gay people are "born that way". I've always been dual attracted (bi)--with a bit more attraction to guys, generally. And this is something we queer folk discover about ourselves, not something we decide or are conditioned into. There's a strong case for a bilogical basis for sexual orientation -- although there's a lot yet to learn about that.

But the "conditioning" we receive meant to make us into monos is simply OBVIOUS. All we have to do is pay attention to movies, radio songs, television, friends, family..., and it will be plain as day. If any of us received that much "conditioning" to ensure that we were racist or sexist, we'd probably BE that. And if we began to wake up to the fact of that conditioning, and to question those assumptions and attitudes, we'd have to work hard to get free of it, most likely. So it's not as if we have a simple neutrual choice, mono vs poly! Becoming free to love more than one person, or to bond with one who does, means swimming upstream, against a strong current.

Let's face it, polyamory is TABOO in this culture. Very. And, to my way of thinking, that taboo is an -ism like sexism, racism, heterosexism, ageism.... That is, it is a harmful kind of bigotry and ignorance. It is a form of social injustice.

But this in no way means that the reverse prejudice is valid. Monogamy, per se, is not an "-ism" of this bigoted sort. It's a relationship style choice, like polyamory.

I have never opposed monogamy in insisting that it is the default "conditioned" mode of thinking and attitude about romantic relationships. I have no gripe against monogamy or monogamists. My target is monogam-ism.
bi, partnered, available

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