Eep, epiphany moment!
Originally Posted by Red Pepper
I know there is a lot of mono bashing that goes on for poly people that have been hurt, are new to poly and in NRE about it or just are not open minded about anyone being different, but that is not always the case and I suggest that you smile, nod and move on to someone else to get some more balanced insight.
Guilty as charged! I didn't realise it but I am totally in NRE over poly. Gosh, maybe we're already in a poly relationship - I married polyamory itself while he wasn't looking, haha.
Seriously, though. I have been very insensitive toward Bold over this whole thing, partly because I was viciously defending poly without realising it and partly because I didn't understand enough of his view point and made some harsh assumptions about his motives, and he's understandably on edge about this topic now. I have some making up to do. Thank you so much for this insight, though. I feel less like judging myself and more like doing better at being supportive of him now (which is much more useful to him and myself).
Wise words. Thank you for them. I think you're right. We're making this too much about one lifestyle verses another rather than actually about what we genuinely want.
I know that I want poly and that he wants mono but we also want each other! And we definitely want each other to be happy. I think that's a better starting place than debating a topic that neither can see from the other's point of view. The common ground we have been looking for has been beneath our feet the entire time. Our starting place is the love we share for each other.
Originally Posted by Bold
If we were both working on our fears I think it'd be easier to get to an agreeable point.
You said it, lover. I was in deep denial about a lot of my fears/resentments (actually I was proud of some of them and thought them justified!) but I realise that any fear or resentment is not good for me and I can see how I've been hiding them behind righteous indignation.
I sincerely apologise for how I've been treating you.