Originally Posted by immaterial
Is your side of the street clean? You seem to me to be whistling in the dark. Is this just because I would not be comfortable with such an arrangement? Am I projecting? Entirely possible. But if I had a married lover and I had never met her husband and she had started out lying to me and now she was saying "he's not too happy about you" but I didn't know more about precisely what that meant, I'd be haunted. Not because I would feel responsible for either my lover or her husband...they are both grown ups. I'd feel like the entire reason I have gone whole hog with this poly thing, which is complete openness and honesty, was suddenly on hold again. I don't want to be open and honest with a woman who is having an affair, you know what I mean?
On this board there is a lot of backlash to DADT policies. I intellectually understand why there is backlash. However I still think it is misplaced. Not everyone wants to know everything. Would is surprise you to know that I know of long term poly/leather families with strict DADT policies in place. It works for THEM (19 years in fact). I am sure there are others too. Its a level of discretion that some people need.
I don't want a DADT for me or mine, but if it works for them then let them have at it
Where it becomes touchy, is if the person that is the obscure hidden treasure doesn't want to be hidden. It doesn't read like that is the case here. So kudos to them for making it work.
And it started out rough...but how many poly relationships/lifestyles start out cheating? I think most if I go by the sheer numbers here and on other forums. No one seems to have a street cleaner handy