Is your side of the street clean? You seem to me to be whistling in the dark. Is this just because I would not be comfortable with such an arrangement? Am I projecting? Entirely possible. But if I had a married lover and I had never met her husband and she had started out lying to me and now she was saying "he's not too happy about you" but I didn't know more about precisely what that meant, I'd be haunted. Not because I would feel responsible for either my lover or her husband...they are both grown ups. I'd feel like the entire reason I have gone whole hog with this poly thing, which is complete openness and honesty, was suddenly on hold again. I don't want to be open and honest with a woman who is having an affair, you know what I mean?
Come to think of it, I wouldn't get involved with a married woman if I couldn't meet her husband. Hear him express compersion with his own mouth. "Your wife is amazing!" I would say. "Isn't she though? She really loves you too," he would reply. Now wouldn't that be spectacular? :-)