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Old 07-13-2010, 10:46 PM
nichtdaisy nichtdaisy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 17
Default following up

well, this is old business, and the two of you who responded probably are asking yourselves, "wait, huh? what was this?" as I had conveniently deleted the original post...

Back in April, I was freaking out because I started dating a man in an open relationship. We developed a fast and deep bond... except... EXCEPT... I knew that he wasn't being 100% honest with me about where he was coming from. he told me that he was in an "open relationship", and referred to his partner as his "girlfiend", but it only took three mouse clicks on line to learn that he was married and had a kid.

So, I joined this forum and wrote about my concerns, and got great replies from two of you.

I freaked out more about my situation, and pulled the original post off the forum.

Fortunately, within a week, I had "the talk" with my new lover, and it was easy for him to come clean with me about where he was coming from. I could tell that he had been stressed out about it... and he was pretty relieved to see that I was so accepting. Within a week, he also updated his dating profile (where I met him) to honestly reflect his situation.

and now, three months have passed. We are still dating. I am assured that his wife knows about me, although she isn't always thrilled about it. There are challenges there... which are beyond my control, because they've been together for much longer than I've known him - issues that predate me, and ones that will postdate me, I am sure. I give them the space to work out their issues. I protect myself by not getting too deeply emotionally involved.

I stay with the situation because my lover is a good friend and a talented lover. I have another lover, as well. Everything is open and cool on my end. I feel lucky that both of my lovers are happy to share me, and I am happy to share them. I just worry a little bit about how my first lover's wife feels- I'm pretty sure that she would be happier having her husband to herself. This has been my first non-monog experience, and I am pretty happy, so far... it comes on the tails of being in a very confining 7-year monogamous relationship... where I couldn't even have an emotional connection with anyone else without it causing jealousy and fighting.

Being in this situation makes me think that I would, one day, like to be in a more serious polyamorous situation - share a household and family with many partners - and have close friendships with the partners whom I am not necessarily romantically involved with. It probably isn't going to happen with my married lover... but being with him gives me food for thought for what I really want.

Thanks for the room to rant.
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