Originally Posted by Karma
Ummm...... when did I become a "her"?
Not sure, we should have that checked out
Originally Posted by redpepper
M just wanted to tell you, for what its worth... When I was your age I went through similar feelings. I was broke, made some bad choices to live with people who were not in a good place, drug addicted, steeling, selling acid etc. I ended up on the street and hungry. I was too proud to ask for help because I was still at university. I lived at school in the painting studio (fine arts). When school ended I had to fess up. I was stuck. My dad drove across canada to get me. He took pictures of me. What a mess! Skinny, hollow eyes. Defeated. I was so embarrassed and felt like a failure. That was over twenty years ago. I can honestly say I see it coming around. My parents will need help from me soon and I now have the responsibility of my own son. Helping the next generation. I think, as has been said already, that your responsibility right now is to keep at it. Which you are doing. And be grateful. It all comes around. It really does.
Thank you for this. It's still hard to think of, I still feel worthless, like no matter what I do I can't get ahead. That I'll never reach my dreams b/c I'll be stuck working somewhere I hate to make ends meet. I don't want money to rule my life, yet it seems to. I just feel terrible about all of it. I've made some huge mistakes, and at times instead of learning I've continued to screw up. I feel I'm very mature for my age in a lot of ways, and in others I feel so far behind. I'm constantly comparing myself to my brother. I know I'm the only one who does it, my parents don't, he doesn't. His wife is always telling me how much he envies my care free spirit. But at 24 he has a house, makes enough that his wife is quitting her job to stay home with their daughter, travels all the time. He's living the life I always planned for myself. I decided to stray from that and am now I'm in one hell of a hole. If it weren't for my parents we'd have been homeless yrs ago. I was finaly starting to get ahead when I was managing a fast food place, and then I got the bright ideas to go to college and I'm worse off than ever. And I love Karma with all my heart, but the man has no concept of a work ethic, I knew when I married him I'd be the one supporting us, taking care of us, and I'm not doing that. I feel like I've let everyone down.
But moving away from the depressive stuff, I'm nervous. Karma's on his way to pick up g/f from school and then coming here. We are making dinner and having some spiritual talks. Apparently she has some questions for me. I'm hoping the awkwardness will be gone and we can just talk, for once. I'm ordained and a teacher on my path, and in the begining she was my student, when I found out about the affair I called it quits. I'm not going to teach someone I don't trust. I think I'm moving forward and willing to consider it again, depending on how tonight goes. But I'm still pretty nervouse.
Relationship wise Karma and I are still learning. He was explaining a situation and referred to something in the past but used different wording. We were discussing when his friend asked permission to sleep with g/f. Originaly that was how it was worded. Today Karma used the wod pursue instead of sleep with. Huge difference to me. Sleep with and move on vs pursue a relationship. Karma didn't see a difference. So I mentioned we should work on wording and context when relaying information. It could have saved some of the drama of the whole situation. Just one little word.
We've also decided that everyother wednesday when g/f is with her other b/f that Karma and I will have an us day. We've tried and tried to commit to having a date day once a week, once everyother week, once a month. We never stick to it. But I'd like having a day commited to us. So hopefully it'll stick this time.
I'm still considering my answer to Karma asking if I minded g/f joining the forum. I had thought about it before he asked, but I don't know if I want to let go of the one place I have to express everything. I guess in a way it may help us and I know it could help her to have others to talk with. So I'm intersted in hearing opinions. Do you feel you lose something by having everyone in your relationship on the forums or do you guys think it helps?