It seems a recipe for heartbreak to ignore reality and believe we can change other people. Is this not one of the primary sources of unhappiness in life? If only people would do as I want them to do! Then our relationship would be perfect. So I think an agenda is a very different thing from a goal. A goal is feasible. It has to do with existing materials and realities. A goal is probably most effectively reached if all parties agree to it. An agenda is bound to just create hell on wheels because it is not grounded in reality, is secret and unilateral, and is not feasible. If I were interested in a woman who was mono I'd just be setting myself up for resentment and recrimination if I tried to push her toward being poly. Non-monogamous sexuality in particular is really deeply painful behavior for a natural mono to engage in. Perhaps not to accept one's poly partner engaging in, but to engage in oneself. Similarly, "forced monogamy" in an effort to "hang on" to a mono partner is really painful, too. To the point, for me, of suicidal impulses.
I become less selfish and less altruistic altogether. These distinctions mean nothing to me, ultimately. I'm honest and the chips fall where they fall. We call the universe to us based on our manifesting, requesting energies. If I am open to what will serve my highest good, that is truly what will appear. I try to live my life this way on a daily basis now, with only occasional slips into the using and being used realm. The truth is we are not capable of being authentically selfish as we have no idea when we are acting out of self will what is truly in our best interest. Functional dysfunctionality is ultimately dysfunctional, unless we get blindly lucky. Happiness isn't very reliably constituted on luck, however. So for me it is only when I drop the agenda altogether and take life on life's terms that I can even see worthy goals.