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Old 07-13-2010, 03:42 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by Acroxander View Post
1) Most "sacrifice" is carried out without the foreknowledge or consent of the partner on whose behalf it is executed, and often becomes a tool for ... See Moreleverage on that partner when it is not "matched" by a similar sacrifice or acknowledged in an adequate (and often ad nauseum) manner. This is either brazen or unwitting manipulation, depending on how aware the sacrificer is of his/her own motives.
In my experience, each is equally destructive.
Ultimatums in any form suck the wind from a relationship. I agree completely with this point.

But when does it become the responsibility of the other party to point this out. Call them on their bluff. This usually occurs when you have someone desperate for attention.

2) If sacrifices must be carried out to make a relationship work, it is my opinion that the relationship itself be scrapped in order to find one that isn't so much goddamned work. Things don't have to be so HARD. I think if we find a relationship is built around sacrifice, it ought to be scrapped for one with a less cracked foundation.
I think I get what you mean, but be careful of the wording. I have made sacrifices to make our relationship work. She has as well. When dealing with illness for example, sacrifice can be made in order to help your partner heal.

This condensed idea of mine is that a lot of people tend to view the VALUE of their relationships in terms of how much pain it would cause them to LOSE that person, and/or how much suffering (sacrifice) they've endured to remain in that relationship.
The problem with this...line of thinking is that you are trying to turn what you believe onto others. This is the same type of thinking as when poly people say there is only one way, the poly way. Everyone is poly but just to naive to realize it.

Be careful going in that direction because items can become preachy. If we ever want poly to be recognized, you don't want to attack the foundation of the people that you want to have understand you (heck, you may not care about this, I am just putting it out there btw) While I don't entirely disagree, what is wrong with looking at someone you love and thinking of how much you would lose. You simplify it greatly by looking only at the pain of loss. But that pain can come from knowing the great things you would be giving up. What you may miss out in the future.

I believe sometimes its almost the opposite. People are too inclined to give up and walk away. Relationships take lots of work and sometimes sacrifice. There is no perfect insert for relationships. I would love to see stats on divorce and why, the real reason, they occured. I betcha quite a large percentage is because they hit a single rough spot (assuming relationships were all puppies and kittens) and decided to end it.

Great points above as well.

ps, I feel no shame in the fact I needed to look up calvinism. Thanks for the read acroxander
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