PS: my partner might post in here when he's available to do so. Please be gentle on him. I challenge him a lot and he challenges me, which is part of what I love about our relationship; to me life is about growth.
Oh, hi. First post here. I'm Erato's boyfriend.
I just wanted to make sure it was clear. I wanted extra room in our relationship and if I had to adjust to poly or leave then...is that being considerate of me? If it isn't, then, isn't that selfish? I was angry at her at the time, which is honestly rare, and I don't deem the impatient way I said it acceptable, but I do believe it didn't hurt to tell her that. Before I just nodded because it's something I can't argue with on a technical level, because if the world were an ideal place everyone would be fine with the freedom of poly. I don't want that freedom, however, even though it can be (in my opinion) incorrectly stated to be the one true way because it's more open-minded. Basically, close-mindedness about open-mindedness. Poly doesn't offend me or anything. People who think they're better than me because they are do. :(
I'm definitely trying to adjust to the idea of poly. I've already changed a bit, allowing flirting with others (though the thought of being present during it is still very uncomfortable) and cuddling with friends. I just don't want to/need to hear about it, I guess.
I did like the idea of a shared girlfriend. It still fits with my unique idea of mono - I am still included in every aspect of my girlfriend's love life, and a focus, even if it's spread around two people. With another lover I'm isolated from them and excluded on a deeper level. It doesn't fit as well, or at all. Well, I still need to get used to even the idea of a shared girlfriend, and I guess Erato doesn't want that anymore. I know it's hard to set up but I wish it'd work. I love Erato with all my heart. I'll still love her if we can't be together. But I'm so happy with her now, or was, I can't expect to be happy with all of the fighting and insecurity and hurt that used to be infrequent. But I know I can be happy. It's just that one issue of mono vs poly. We had a very happy year together, but recently we've had a lot of trouble.
Edit: We've talked about it some more. I'll leave this the way it is and let Erato post.
Last edited by Bold; 07-13-2010 at 01:53 AM.