View Single Post
Old 07-12-2010, 10:12 PM
Erato's Avatar
Erato Erato is offline
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Posts: 56

Wow! Thanks for all your replies. I emailed my love and his reply was wedged between two reply notifications in my inbox. I felt like I wasn't facing this alone!

I just quickly wanted to clarify a point: I didn't understand this before but what he meant by asking if I would be willing to adapt to monogamy was more that he felt it was "your way or the highway" as they say. He felt like I wasn't considering his feelings, which I wasn't at the time, and that is where the request came from. It just happened to hit my "help, help I'm being repressed!" button.

Mendalla: Thank you for the glass/water analogy. I've been having a tough time trying to figure out how non-exclusivity = reduced intimacy but after reading that I think I just have to get that it's not about what's true for me, it's about his truth and how his heart works. I guess more than understand I have to learn to respect it for what it is and cherish it as his viewpoint, even if I don't agree with it or comprehend it.

AutumnalTone: I understand what you're saying and I respect it completely. I concede that you may be completely right that we are not compatible but such is the beauty of hindsight. I would love to take your word on it but my heart won't let me until I walk this road to the end, be it death do us part or sooner.

Confused: I love this. You are on the exact other side of the glass from me, haha, what is there to get indeed. I think if we lived on a desert island that I would have no problem...except if there were sexy mermaids? That would be tragic. Thank you for sharing.

clairegoad: Your description of mono scares me, hehe! Being jealously guarded would not be comfortable for me and what happens when my partner leaves/falls for another/dies? I'd be alone after years of pushing other potential loves out of my life or ignoring them. Mono is beautiful to me in the way that a ball gown would be beautiful to a man (who didn't enjoy cross dressing): I can see how well and suitably it fits someone else, it looks elegant on them, but on me it would be a joke.

SayYes: You've echoed my words exactly. "Asking me to change who I am" and I'm asking him to "accept who I am". He sees it differently, though. He feels that having a non-exclusive relationship with me would be denying and repressing who he is. Which is why we were talking about taking it slowly but I've realised that I can't live on bread and water with only the potential promise of a full course meal. Back to the drawing board, I suppose!

Mono: See, that's the hard part for me. I get this "I offer myself to you because that is how I find fulfilment; In giving my intimacy and sexuality to the person I am connected with." and I feel that for him. But there's no clause for me that says that feeling is a limited time offer only available to one person at a time. I've really enjoyed a lot of your posts around the place, they've been SO helpful for me, and I appreciate your sharing a lot. Maybe I never will "get it" in terms of how monogamous people look at love and relationships but is it wrong to hope that I can build a bridge which will endure like you and your lady have?

PS: my partner might post in here when he's available to do so. Please be gentle on him. I challenge him a lot and he challenges me, which is part of what I love about our relationship; to me life is about growth.
About Erato Blog

Last edited by Erato; 07-12-2010 at 10:20 PM.
Reply With Quote