Originally Posted by redpepper
@inlovewith2- I don't think its so much the wanting of sex and the love of two men, loving them in return to, but the need beyond that. Only you can answer that I think.
For me that is the need to be surrounded so I don't feel abandoned. I feel safe. I feel whole. I need that.
Ok, I can be dense ;-). What you are saying, I think, is that it's not just about sex, it's about what sexual connection and love can develop into? I don't know exactly what it's about for me, other than connection. And I love feeling sexually healthy, which is selfish, but still good.
I need help identifying what it is exactly, as dh is having the hardest time understanding the desire for sexual intimacy.
Certainly feeling safe is very important to me. Interestingly, I've had a little bit of turmoil with 2 of the guys. One misread my husband's intentions in a a letter he wrote, and made a big deal out of it, the other seems to want to rush the relationship and is impatient for dh to get to the point where he feels comfortable. So, I think you may have hit the proverbial nail on the head, RP. I need to feel safe, and prefer not to have my fear of abandonment triggered (the end of a relationship is always a risk).
What I think right now is that I need most for things to feel more settled and less chaotic. And I need to focus on my wonderful dh, which oso1 isn't going to love so much, but....I think I'll post a separate one on that if/when I get a chance.
Oh, and my dh is on this board and has gotten a lot of support (thank you!!!!). His screenname (not his real one) is David Webb (hi Bourne lovers). He and I decided that this is our journey, and it would be easiest for you all to guide us if you knew that we are a unit, a pretty great one at that!
Let me just say publicly that he is the most amazing man I've ever known. I love him to depths that I cannot explain! Yes I hurt him, and that is still so hard to deal with. We *will* work it out.
And to those of you who said that I moved too fast, please know that I know that; my head is spinning too.
Thanks to all!!!!