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Old 07-11-2010, 08:50 AM
immaterial immaterial is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 133

I've been talking with several different women about polyamory and, without exception, none of them have any interest. These are not potential partners for me, just friends, exes, acquaintances, etc. My conversations with them have been like me coming out, and them expressing a combination of skepticism and mild criticism. These conversations don't really bother me, but I do find them interesting. I have recently started making it a practice for myself to run stuff by people more often. I tend to figure a lot of stuff out in my head and it is not by any means automatic to talk about my personal thoughts/feelings and see what the universe has to say back. I have always been more comfortable talking about relationship stuff with women, but I do look forward to talking about poly and non-monogamy with male friends of mine too.

Generally the responses fall along two lines. One stems from past experience with either true poly or at least open and non-monogamous relationships. I know a lot of people who are New Agey, seeker types. Communal living, co-housing arrangements, the whole "free love" thing of the early '70s, etc. I don't know anyone who experienced some of these alternative ways of living who is still living that way. These women now are interested in monogamy, period. "I am generous and can share a lot, but not my partner." "tried it, didn't really work, seemed impractical and sort of dippy."

The other response has been mostly about focus. "I can't deal with more than one. I can barely stay focused on one!" Kind of a funny perspective. Some responses gendered: "Women put so much of themselves into their sexual relationship. They are naturally devoted." Seems odd.

Anyway, it's been interesting hearing various perspectives. So far, not one person has said "hooray! what a wonderful way to live, with all that love and all that honesty! congratulations!"

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