Thread: Wwyd?
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Old 07-10-2010, 04:56 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by electra View Post
-the first girl is a self admitted slut around town, and DH had 2 kinds of sex with her, no protection.
Well this is just bad. I would pull out my "wtf" card and ask this to stop. His unprotected sex is going to affect your health.

-the second girl, apart from being a family friend, is, I dont mean to be mean, not pretty. At least from my perspective she is unattractive. (I know everyone differs in what they find attractive). I feel DH is a hypocrite because he has told me in the past he finds her annoying, hard to listen to because of her accent, and that he didnt entirely trust her in our house, like she might steal something (she babysat for us once a little while back). The first girl not particular pretty either. Not to be conceited but I am a very attractive woman. So all this, my DH having sex/ making out with them makes me feel, like, really? I think he has no standards. He would stick it wherever he could. I am different, choosy, have standards. Is this the typical thing where I want love and passion and a relationship with more than just one person, whereas DH, the man, just wants to get his rocks off? Why cant he have waited and been with an attractive girl? I would truly feel better about that.
Honestly this is none of your business. Maybe its a personality, a look a smell, a kink. Something she is willing to do. Who knows. Either way how you feel in regards to attraction to his other gf's is not important. If it is making you second guess your beauty than you have to figure out WHY he likes these girls. I have dated true beauties to what some people would consider unattractive, i did not.

Is what he is doing poly...I don't know. I am a guy who usually has sex well before love. In fact I need that physical connection to process love. Honestly it sounds like he is dating

-please dont flame me, i know we have made some typical mistakes.
No flaming here ...mistakes happen, just learn from them

-I know DH and I need to have another big talk about his two f ups and what the heck we are doing. Which he agrees are f ups, but if we are "separated" then he doesnt have to abide by the rules, right? I know our arrangement needs a lot of work. I am sure many of you have been interested in poly but your partner wasnt. I wanted to be true to myself. I wanted the best of both worlds. Is that too greedy? SHould I have been content with my DH who for 10 years was kind, understanding, loyal, hardworking and a great father?
Correct me if I am wrong, but while you may be poly and want to find others, you are having challenges with your DH having other partners. Maybe thats why you are nitpicking his choices and methods. Maybe you need to examine why you are having challenges with him being open as well as you

-I have even thought about saying lets go back to the way things were, and have this silly thought, but I was the one who wanted to be poly, have not been with anyone, yet its dh who has been with 3 people. Immature of me huh.
Immature no...but I think you have a case of cake, icing, icecream and desert syndrom

PS how do you know when love is real?
No just feels right

It sounds like you had a great talk, and thats good. I agree with people moving at different paces. I also believe you can be open AND poly. They are not exclusive. I don't love everyone I have dated or had sex with. But I have loved multiple.

Best of luck

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