Originally Posted by FormerUnicorn
We hadn't discussed much about the shape that other relationships could take, but I was relieved when I heard him say, "I don't like the idea of us having secret people on the side. If it happens, I want them to be known to both of us, someone who can come over and everyone's okay with that."
I assured him that having people who had nothing to do with the other important parts of my life was not appealing to me, and that the sense of community and family were a very big part of what I was looking for. Isolated relationships would just feel like a failure and a distraction to the sorts of things I am interested in building.
I also pointed out that we needn't be the best of friends with one another's partners, simply that we would be able to find things to relate to them. I said that I would love to be able to cook special meals with his potential SOs, and enjoy having them over for the weekend, or maybe longer.
I had this exact talk with my dh last night. His fear that I wanted to walk this journey alone had led him to be on the attack every time I tried to bring it up. Finally last night - I said "so you want the exact same thing as I do???"
And then the conversation was much nicer.
I married my best friend. Other relationships I may have will also be based on friendship as well.