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Old 07-09-2010, 02:23 PM
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Thanks so much for the advice! I genuinely appreciate it, and although I知 feeling really nervous about bringing these things up with A, I知 also feeling so much more clarity. So, thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
All these relationships come down to a basic idea: identifying what we want out of them. What do you want? What do they want? Once you all know this, then you can better decide how much interaction with his wife is needed.
With all of my confusion and uncertainty, I hadn稚 been able to break it down this simply葉hank you. This gives me a concrete starting point. Until we answer these questions, I guess my worrying and speculating are pretty pointless.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I actually agree with this only to a point. If this is a short term thing that you are only interested in for the moment, then yes... it is his problem only and nothing to do with you, but is sounds like you want this to be for the long haul... therefore, it eventually needs to be about you too.
I think I致e known this is true; I知 just scared of the potential consequences. I guess I知 afraid that I値l find out that she doesn稚 want to meet me or dislikes me orsome other thing that will rock the boat and negatively affect the entire situation. But I guess if that痴 the case, I need to know that. Thanks

Quote:
Originally Posted by sage View Post
I can see where your lover's wife has found your relationship a bit hard. You can "academically" accept something but you never know how it can throw you until it actually happens. I can see how the intensity of your relationship may have pushed her. But she signed on for it. At this stage anyway I don't think you should be worrying about it.
Thanks so much for sharing your story! And thank you for emphasizing that things take time to develop. I guess I just wanted things to jump to stable place where I know where everyone stands and what the future holds. But apparently I need to slow down and let things unfold at their own pace.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sage View Post
If your friend can't/won't respect your relationship you may have to pull back from her for a while. At the very least don't vent to her, don't discuss your relationship with her and ask her just to respect your decision.
I知 having a really hard time with this one. I知 used to telling her pretty much everything. But I guess I need to just suck it up, at least for a while, and find more appropriate means of venting and discussing when I need to.

Again, thanks for all the advice, everyone. I値l work on mustering up enough courage to discuss these things with A. And I知 sure when that happens, I値l be back with even more questions
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