Originally Posted by sage
@Red Pepper, according to my understanding of the wiki definition of polyamory anyone who is accepting/involved with polyamorous relationships is polyamory. So as a SO newbie already is poly.
Just makes us monos feel more included.
hmmmm.....Mono would not agree I think. He does not want inclusion or to think he is in a poly relationship. When I am with him, we are monogamous, right down to monogamous friends... (although we hang out with poly friends too). It is our way of making sure that he feels "normal" in the context of mono life. He is mono, he needs to have his peeps, just as poly people need their peeps!
Originally Posted by newbie
Thank you for laying this out for me so clearly. I think that is what A has been trying to convey to me, but he didnít want to be as direct about it. Youíre right. Thatís his job, not mine.....
At one point, I did arrive at the conclusion that A and his wife voluntarily and intentionally opened up their marriage before A even knew me, so any byproduct of that decision was theirs to discuss and address.
I actually agree with this only to a point. If this is a short term thing that you are only interested in for the moment, then yes... it is his problem only and nothing to do with you, but is sounds like you want this to be for the long haul... therefore, it eventually needs to be about you too. Poly brings on not only fights/discussion between a coupling within a tribe, but fights/discussions between everyone or any number of people involved. This is what makes it work for a longer time is because everyone is being open and honest... everyone is sharing their feelings and dealing with others.
Eventually you will have to meet her and become closer... there is no way I have seen this to work to everyone's comfort otherwise.