Originally Posted by immaterial
What your wife is up to really doesn't sound like polyamory at all. It sounds like she is "having an affair." And dressing it up as poly. This might sound completely out of line and take it with a huge grain of salt, but I think you should be researching good divorce lawyers, not polyamory.
Wow that comes off a bit harsh. I came to this forum with confusion over my feelings and even asked my husband to read here as well. The only thing I'm sure of is my feelings of love for two people and wanting to make it work. I wouldn't choose to love more than one person, it is causing a lot of pain and stress for both Hurt and myself. But the truth is 10 years into marriage I realized I also still have love in my heart for someone from my past along with the love I have for my husband. I personally don't like the poly label as I would never, nor have I ever just felt like I wanted or needed to have more than one person to be happy, until now. If I could give my whole heart to Hurt I would and thought I had for many years, I didn't know I left a piece behind 10 years ago, until I looked L in the eyes. How is that an affair? I guess my thoughts and feelings are safer to stay in my own head than on here. I bash myself for my complex feelings on loving more than one for the last year, I didn't need it here as well.
As per my last post....maybe sulking was not a good choice of words. But after all of the reading I have done on here for the past few months a large amout of advice for those in Hurt's shoes, is to try and occupy yourself, maybe with a hobby or friends. That is what I had tried to get him to do. I don't discredit his feelings but I wanted him to not sit here alone & drinking, it isn't healthy. I tried to encourage him to do something, anything to help pass the time.
I guess the census is that I should ignore the love in my heart for L and force my heart to only love Hurt...I tried that for a year, it isn't that easy. I have tried to push back my feelings but then I feel sad and close myself off from the world. I don't do well when I have to keep things in, makes me feel like I'm being dishonest.