Originally Posted by newbie
Sorry for the numerous posts! I've been poking around the forum and found several threads that address the questions I posed. So please feel free to disregard (though if anyone does have additional thoughts, I'd love to hear them).
Good lord, you're a sweetie.
Poly advice aside, it seems to me that it's your general attitude about yourself that may be the most hindering factor in your V. Relationships of any sort can really bring out our own insecurities, and this one sounds like it's done a number on you. That's not a bad thing! Take some time to explore your own feelings and motivations. Why do you feel the way you do? Why do you feel like you need to apologize for asking well-thought out questions? Is this lack of confidence usual for you, or is it related only to feeling marginalized in your relationship? And how much of that marginalization is self-imposed?
Remember that you have rights in this relationship too, and you are doing your SO no favors by keeping your needs to yourself. He's asking you to be honest with him about your wants and needs, and if you are consistently deferring them in favor of what you think his wife wants and needs, you're denying him the chance to make you happy. Worrying about his relationship with his wife is his job, not yours. Sure, you should take it into consideration, as it's a very large part of his life, but if you spend more time focused on that than about your own relationship with him, then what's the point?
I, for one am curious to hear what his wife says about meeting you.