I am sensing that not only are you scared but angry also. Being in a "v" is not easy.
His wife takes presidence over you I am afraid and will, in my opinion, until he sorts his marriage out fully. I would think, from what I understand, that they have just worked it out and are sorting their own issues out.
Be careful and empathetic my friend. You might lose him if you lose patience and make demands. She came first and is the one he married. You would be better off looking into your heart and seeing what it is you hate about her and do your best to be friendly and hospitable. Often wives have the vito power and if you can't find it in your heart to play nice that might be what happens.
You are embarking on something huge and the likes you have never known... There will be new relationship rules that you get to lay out, but also they do, there will be far more time alone possibly than mono relationships, you will negotiate like never before and will communicate like never before. You will also love like never before! It will change your life from here on in.
Its your choice if you make that a positive change and learn from it or not.
Remember, she is not the enemy and poly is not the enemy. No one is the enemy, its just different than you are used to and may or may not be your path. Nothing more and nothing less.
I think mono is the only mono one on here that could help. Many of us have come from a similar place and all of us have had huge struggles at times with living life this way. Most, if not all, have been mono ourselves.
Your man is asking you to step up to the plate, as is his wife.
Good luck! Keep being honest and open as that is where to start.
Mono's going to be jealous! He doesn't get me half as much as you are getting your man! Think yourself lucky! Infact! Think yourself lucky that you are experiencing life! This path has been laid before you for a reason. I, for one, wonder what that reason is and how you intend to use it for the better good.?
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Last edited by redpepper; 07-30-2009 at 08:27 PM.