What is your relationship with his wife like? Have you ever talked? Are you friends? A lot of the time issues in the kind of relationship you are in can be worked out more efficiently when there's open communication between the two people who are dating the same person (or "metamours" as they sometimes get called).
Originally Posted by newbie
how is this supposed to work if I want to one day have a primary relationship? I canít/wonít ever ask A to fully incorporate me into his life in that way. So I suppose I would be looking for a second relationship. Right now, I donít want that, and I have no idea if I ever will. I love A and do not want to be with anyone else. But one day, if I decide that I do need all of those things that just are not a part of a secondary relationship, what are my options?
I think that this sort of boils down to the choice of whether or not you discover that you like being in poly- relationships and want to continue to have them. If that's the case, you may one day wind up involved with someone who is poly- and perfectly content that you have the relationship with A that you do. If you discover that you don't, then one day you and A will break up, and you'll go on to have mono- relationships in the future.