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Old 07-08-2010, 08:58 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

There is no reason why you can't work towards more involvement in his life and his wife's. Spend holidays with them, do things with both of them, become part of a family. If that is what you want. You could have a wonderful metamour friendship with her.

Does he see you as secondary? And what does that mean to him? That your needs are considered lesser of his and his wife's? Is that okay with you?

Frankly I would not treat a secondary that way as I don't agree that they should be. Is this how you feel about yourself? How you think it should be?

Mono feels the same way. Although we have never treated him as such. He bows out humbly when he thinks he should. Quite often we drag him into the light by telling him his say is important and expected. He is part of our whole. There is not just me and nerdist now, but me and nerdist and Mono. We are not whole without him. Is this what you want? Or do you always want to be in the background?

There is no reason to look for a primary I would think if there is a chance to be more or a participant. It just takes time and experience. All of which are obtainable. Looking for a primary, by the way, makes you poly.
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