I agree, can someone please split these threads and give Imperfect her own? Or maybe imperfect you could just start up your own thread/blog whatever.
I do have a lot of sympathy for you imperfect, it does sound like you are trying to do all the right things. Your last paragraph was a bit telling though "....he just stayed at home and sulked". Come on...sulking is something kids do when they aren't allowed enough play station time. What Hurt is going through is monumentally different.
I know it's hard for both of you and I know it's really difficult watching someone you love in pain knowing you're the cause. But don't try and reduce his pain to sulking. When you're going through something like this smiling through parties or being with other people and not completely disintegrating is just too hard in the very beginning. If your child died how would you feel if someone said "I told her to go out and have fun but she just stayed home and sulked"?
You think that's an exaggeration? Hurt may not have lost you (entirely) but he has lost his vision of your life together; he has no idea or control really of where this could end up. His marriage as he knew is dead and that requires a grieving process.
Yes you are working hard, yes you are in love and you probably feel like he's ruining it for you and not trying hard enough. Polyamory is hard but healthy work, don't give up, but this is going to push you both further than you ever thought you could possibly go. I feel for you both.